How To Avoid Being An “Ugly American”

Nine Behaviors No One Wants Imported From the USA

Photo by author. This group of US-ers conspicuously glaring at us and talking smack about the fact that my husband and I were working at this restaurant, as if our efforts to earn a living were a personal affront to them. Hard to think there were *not* racist overtones. When I finally whipped out my phone to take a picture, all but angry granny looked away. They knew they were wrong.

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Originally published on Medium September 2023

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I wish I didn’t have to write this.

Today marks exactly one year since my husband, me, and our two dogs crept across the Texas/Mexico border in the early morning hours, our two-door Honda battered by flying beetles and the sun streaming across our faces.

I’ve written several blogs about what led us to make the decision to emigrate. Chief among them was, simply put, “Americans.”

I use quotes because everyone from both American continents is American, but in typical egocentric form, the United States of America has co-opted the term and failed to translate the more accurate Spanish word Estadounidense.

Yes, this is paradoxical. I was born and raised in NY, and subsequently lived in the DMV area and Florida.

I am an Estadounidense. A gringa, even.

And yes, I wanted to get away from the majority of people from my homeland.

I knew that moving to a destination that is popular with tourists meant that this wouldn’t be wholly achieved. For our purposes, that’s ok. We still encounter obnoxious tourists and self-labeled “expats,” but it’s rare and unlike in Florida, they do not hold power.

Nevertheless, some of the behavior and attitudes of US-ers who we have encountered here on the island of Cozumel, as well as in online social media groups for people who have emigrated from or spend significant amounts of time out of the US, makes me cringe. Hard.

It’s not news, of course. The term “Ugly American” is literally in the dictionary. And before you get bent out of shape over the use of the term “ugly,” in this context it refers to abhorrent behavior. And trust me, we’ve earned it.

So, with one year under my belt, I figured I’d put out some recommendations for how you, US emigrant, can avoid being a witless, obtrusive trope.

And yes, our family abides by this list and seeks other ways we can be better (follow-up article to come).

1. Follow the law. Seems pretty obvious, right? Not for Ugly Americans. You would be shocked by how many people ask for advice in social media groups aimed at “expats” on how to get away with illegally immigrating to Latin American countries, how to evade taxes, how to work illegally, and to generally carry out their belief that the law doesn’t apply to them. Offline, it is not unusual to see US-ers speeding, driving where they aren’t supposed to, standing right in front of prohibition signs and doing the exact thing that is prohibited, whether it be smoking or slathering sunscreen on before they dunk their greasy bodies into coral reef habitats (in case you didn’t know, sunscreen kills coral). It’s the lack of discretion that’s most appalling.

2. Be respectful. Hell hath no fury like a US-er who gets irritated with someone they believe was created to serve them. It’s apparent when this attitude is present. Barking orders at servers, berating clerks, demanding attention from immigration agents. I’ve written about particular incidents on our blog where I actually intervened and said something. It is incomprehensible to me that US-ers would come to another person’s country and behave so completely disrespectfully, and in particular when completely unprovoked. So gross, so cringe.

3. Stop being cheap. US-ers love to issue “warnings” in online expat forums about attempts to “scam” them. Don’t mistake my meaning, I’m not talking about serious scams concerning housing fraud, illegal bank wires, etc. — the types of criminal and predatory behavior that merits a warning. I’m talking about slight overcharges on the restaurant bill, clandestinely added tips, skimming at the gas station. From the way these “scams” are reported, you’d think people were getting their bank accounts cleared out. Here’s the reality in Mexico: minimum wage is equivalent to roughly $10 USD per *day.* Almost all US-ers, even those on low, fixed incomes, are probably earning more than the people who may have added a $3USD charge to the grocery bill. I’m not saying it’s ok, I am saying it’s not something to make a federal case over. Yes, theft is wrong. In these contexts, however, it’s also a logical result of an obscene financial disparity that you are probably flaunting in folks’ faces. Let the $3 go.

4. Educate yourself. Learn the history of the place where you live, especially if you live in a formerly colonized country. Learn about the socioeconomic situation of the nation, the state, and the municipality where you live. Educate yourself on the geopolitical dynamics that color the history and current international relations between the US and the country you inhabit. Let this education foster understanding.

5. Learn and speak the language. As someone who studies Spanish every day through a variety of mechanisms even though I have a decent working proficiency, I can say that speaking in your non-native tongue takes a lot of brainpower. Don’t impose that on people in their own nation. There are a number of free resources available to help you learn (I love Duolingo), and there’s really no excuse for not learning the basics of the dominant language of the country in which you are choosing to reside. At the absolute least, use Google Translate when you approach someone to ask a question. Don’t put the burden on local people to understand you.

6. Minimize your impact. This one really gets to me, especially living on an island. I can’t count the number of bright-eyed US retirees that gleefully announced how they’re buying land and building a home. That is, tearing down virgin forest, shipping in materials, adding pressure to the sewage and energy infrastructure, creating more trash, and just generally taking up resources without a second thought. It’s not only environmentally destructive, but economically problematic. In Mexico, there is a lot of discourse around the ways in which this is driving up prices beyond what local salaries can match. International gentrification is a real issue. Yes, we all have to live somewhere. No, we do not have to build a four-bedroom house on formerly untouched land that we plan to use as an “investment property,” driving up housing prices and catering to wealthy tourists half the year.

7. Support local economic well-being. And no, this doesn’t just mean employing people to be servers and paying them minimum wage at the bar you opened for fun, even though you really don’t need the income. Contribute to local nonprofits. Tip heavily. Patronize businesses that are *owned* by people from your new home. (Fun fact: when I asked whether anyone had compiled a list of locally-owned businesses in Cozumel, some people had an entire meltdown. Don’t be those people). Add, rather than extracting.

8. Embrace humility. I have seen more than one US-er brag about how they are able to “live like a king” in Mexico, because of how much further US dollars go here. Newsflash: most kings were tyrants. Moving to another country does not confer elite or royal status, so please stop acting as if the local community is supposed to be your court. I know…the people who would say something like this are probably not my readers and if they are, they won’t accept this feedback. Nevertheless, I will write it. You’re not any better or more important than anyone else. Neither am I.

9. If you want things to be like they are in the US, go back to the US. Listen, if you’re going to constantly complain about the customs and conditions of your new home, maybe it’s not the place for you. I’m not saying there’s no space to introduce innovations, concepts, or processes that might improve efficiency and well-being in your new home. In particular, if you’ve been hired to knowledge-share and introduce successful governance or other strategies to the country of your new residence, great! But if you left the US as a retiree or remote worker and no one is asking for your feedback on time management, infrastructure, or local bureaucracy, would you *please* stop comparing it to the US and whining? Firstly, almost every problem you identify is likely a problem someplace in the US as well, and you just haven’t been exposed to it. Secondly, I promise you the US has problems your new home doesn’t (regular mass shootings in schools comes to mind). Finally, coming to another country and expecting entire structures to acclimate to your preferences rather than the other way around stinks of imperialistic tendencies. If you want the US, go back to the US.

I know this might sound harsh.

It’s not nearly as harsh as the treatment of US emigrants in the future will be if we continue to show up as Ugly Americans. Rightly so.

And no, these are not really things I would say to most people who immigrate into the US. Don’t even try to compare it (though I know some will). Immigration into the US is prompted by many, many factors, and includes people from very different socioeconomic backgrounds and levels of access to opportunity.

One really can’t make any sweeping statements about immigrants to the US. Immigrants to the US include people fleeing war, gang corruption, extreme poverty, and human trafficking, as well as people with doctorates, intergenerational wealth and political clout moving to the US for business, marriage, or simply because they consider it “the place to be” (I suspect this is waning).

Conversely, the trends I’ve seen among US emigrants, in particular to Latin America, tend to exhibit consistency along the lines of these Ugly American behaviors. They also appear to be driven by a desire to live “cheaply,” evade regulation, and get more than they give.

People are tired.

In the US and out of it, people are tired of tolerating abuse, exploitation, rudeness, entitlement, inequity, extraction, appropriation, and hubris.

Follow me for a follow-up article on what you can do to emigrate more conscientiously.

Please, please, don’t be the US’s worst kind of export.

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Considering moving out of the US, care about your impact, and need advice? Check out our website and submit a screening form: https://www.silleckconsultingservices.com/emigrationsupport